#maybe a larper too

[hedge-rambles]

Terrible isekai guides you might meet

Ok I keep thinking about that post about someone not believing the stupid rules of the fantasy land they're in I reblogged the other day and I'm now trying to think of just terrible options for meeting your guide to this new world when you get isekai'd.

The conspiracy theorist: You've got no background here, so sadly it's not your fault you don't clock that the faun you met after walking through that magic wardrobe is actually a nutjob.

You're quite a way into your quest to defeat the dark lord before you find out he's really a duly elected politician and probably does not, in fact, keep a dungeon full of tortured gnomes beneath his castle.

"Yeah, if you believe the establishment" says the faun, rolling his eyes. With hindsight, you recall the fact he lived alone in a shack in the woods and how perhaps you should have thought more about that.

The helpful AI: You awaken in a futuristic looking facility, your last memory is of sticking a fork in the toaster like your mother always told you not to. There's a console to your right, and the text is in your own language! "Hello, how may I help you today?" the speaker announces in a friendly tone. You tentatively say "where am I?", but are still surprised when the voice answers.

They've clearly improved things a lot since your day, but it's still embarrassing how long, and how many failed solutions to problems it presented, before you finally twig that it's still just an LLM. They've got the voice tone right, and the speech is far more natural, but it's still basically a hallucinating predictive text machine. You begin to doubt everything it's told you.

The confident idiot: Look, it's not their fault they never got a decent education. Just like it's not your fault you don't know enough about this place to know how wrong they are. Maybe the moon here really is a projection on the sky? It's not, and they've clearly misunderstood something they once heard about how the light of the moon is actually reflecting off it, but you weren't to know that. I mean, you just saw a fucking unicorn, all bets were off.

Sadly for you, the helpful young man who found you lying in the middle of the road and nursed you back to health, is kind of an idiot. Helpful, has the best of intentions at heart, but still an idiot. And worse yet, he's just intelligent enough to make logical leaps from all the information he's misunderstood over the years. Everything he taught you is like 40-70% right, or close to right, and you realise it's probably going to take twice as long to unpick which of the things you learnt were true and which bits weren't.

It's five years later, and you're still stuck in that strange world, you're used to it now, this is your home. In the tavern one evening you take a moment to lean over to a trusted companion and utter the stupidest sentence you've ever said: "So, uh, weird question but...do unicorns actually have venomous horns?"

The cultist: Yeah so uh, listen they seemed so nice when they met you! The friendly woman in the shining white armour, who couldn't do enough to help this lost stranger in her land.

Later you learn the visual shorthand here is a bit different to the one you grew up with and you've joined the great war between Good and Evil on the side of Evil. Whoops.

The skull-helmeted warrior-priests of the squid god are the good guys. Actually, it makes a sort of sense when you think about it, that the guys with the lion motif on their breastplates are the bad guys. Lions will eat humans; squid are mostly just delicious. And of course a cultist is friendly to a lost person seemingly with no connections, that's how cults work back in your world too, dummy. Shame they want to "end the world in blood" and all that.

[blood-orange-juice]

I've never ever held a polearm in my life but with swords a similarly pointless move is a basic exercise and pretty much the first thing a person tries to do when they get their hand on a sword/two swords.

Maybe it's his form of fidgeting.

When I said “don’t throw the things”, this is why!

(Unless of course you have magic arrows from Santa)

Patreon - YouTube

[wolfyonweed]

just got high enough to discover i like roleplay. think i could also like this outside of sex.

[northstarscowboyhat]

Well, now I'm imagining Clover having a rebellious teenage phase

I think the rebellious teenage attitude probably lasted for five seconds. Doesn't stop Clover from sneaking out or attempting to be more independent and doing things their family doesn't approve of, but I don't think they give Starlo too much attitude (and definitely not Ceroba LOL).

Honestly, I don't think you can take the cowboy out of this kid, they're just as committed to the western bit as Starlo is LOL. Maybe one time the family was going out while Clover was a teenager and dealing with the anxiety of being socially perceived and judged that a lot of teens struggle with that they got a little embarrassed wearing their cowboy hat, and Starlo was so devastated at the thought that it quickly nipped that insecurity in the bud LOL. I think having a dad who's entire job is being a cowboy larper probably helps them not feel ashamed of their interest and commitment to dressing up as a cowboy.

[danieyells]

I don't know if you've done it yet but I would like to request Ren lines? I'm having tokyo debunker Ren brainrot bro 😭.

@otomelover23

You're all very welcome! I love you guys too, so far! Sorry you've been deprived of lazy boi lolol HOPEFULLY THESE SATISFY YOU A LITTLE BIT.

He's a little tsundere I think. He's one of those characters who just wants to be normal but he can't just pretend to be normal because he lives surrounded by chaos so he just complains a lot lolol. . .but i think he's a good guy. Aside from that he does not help his mother captain at all.

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"Great, shift change. I'm gonna head out then... What? Do I really need to be here for that?"

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"I think you've got a notification... Aren't you going to look at it?"

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"Who did I disappoint in a past life to end up in Jabberwock... There's no general students or even a single other sane person, and these jumpsuits are a crime..."

"Why do I have to look after all these weird-ass animals? This is forced labor...  Ugh, they're so gross..."

"If you're just gonna stand there, could you go feed the animals in the aquatic zone?  I'm too busy."

"Ugh, why is that clown calling me... ... Whatever, I'll just let it ring out."

you know damn well that if you don't answer the phone you're gonna have to deal with Haru in person. Better to just answer it.

"Oh, hey... Could you open the link I sent you? No, you don't have to sign up or anything. Thanks."

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"Ugh... Tell me how I'm supposed to sit through classes when I've been up since 4 AM? (yawn) I'm exhausted..."

well if you didn't stay up until 4am--oh who am i kidding i stayed up til like 3 watching a stream and reading datamine stuff and then I got up at like 6:30 to get ready for work I'm no better kekw.

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Ugh... I can't believe I'm hiding right now... Why the hell does that clown have to chase me around at lunch time too?"

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Preach about doing it for the sake of your friends or the animals or whatever all you want— I really don't give a shit. People who say that stuff are just deluding themselves."

i've known people with this kind of cynicism before. once he finds people care about him and a little more stability he'll come around a little more.

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Huh? I can't see that clown anywhere... Hell yes. Gonna get through my watch list. I hope he never comes back."

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I'm grinding this game on my phone, so could you not talk to me for a while? Crap, I think my RSI is flaring up..."

in Japanese he specifies tendonitis haha

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Don't people get embarrassed calling out those words when they use their stigmas? It makes them look like LARPers..."

in japanese he says they sound like they have chuunibyou which is much funnier imo lmao. also i guess that means he can say his in his head? since he'd feel embarrassed doing it aloud, maybe he's practiced already lol

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"You think I sigh a lot? Got a problem with that? You realize trying to take away people's freedom of speech is power harrassment, right?"

you're starting to sound like ritsu. gonna hurt yourself reaching like that.

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm so done... I'm out of HP... Shouldn't I be exempt from missions and classes since I'm looking after all those animals?"

well based on one of Haku's chats, you can just do missions if you don't go to class, and based on Kaito you can just go to class instead of doing missions. . .but I'm sure Haru forces him on missions anyway lol. . . .

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Pfft... The video of that clown getting attacked by that hawk thing is getting so many interacts. This editing thing's actually pretty fun."

does editing count as a creative effort? i wouldn't be surprised if he switched to Hotarubi next year if so, assuming he doesn't get used to Jabberwock and the animals. Also why didn't he get stopped by Sophy for uploading a video with an anomaly? Unless he uploaded it to an Institute social media site like WickHive or something. . . .

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Gotta change the locks so that clown can't get in again. I've bought enough padlocks to start my own business by now..."

life haru finds a way. sometimes that way is "towa, break down the door" if he runs out of lockpicking equipment.

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"My head's killing me... This is the worst... Rise and shine! my ass... It's basically still the middle of the night. Guess I should padlock my windows..."

5-6am I can understand being 'basically the middle of the night' but after that you're pushing it lmao

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"The cafeteria's way over capacity... The assholes who save seats before its even noon are ruining it for everyone else..."

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Why's my pay so low... huh? What's this deduction for? "Consultation Fee: Ritsu Shinjo..." He's seriously charging me for complaining...?"

Ritsu charges for looking at him too long. i'd try venting on wickhive over complaining to Ritsu.

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"That rabbit sure has it good. All it has to do is breathe and everyone fawns over it. Doesn't even have to feed itself. Just wait till it grows up and learns what the world's really like."

WELL BASED ON THAT THE ADULT PEEKABOO WAS STILL BEING FAWNED OVER AND HARU HAD TO STOP PEOPLE FROM PETTING IT BECAUSE IT BITES. . .IT'LL PROBABLY STILL HAVE IT GOOD. Haru takes good care of the animals.

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Sup... Huh? I'm alone today. I just got up on my own since if I don't that clown'll wake me up anyway."

yeah? it's because of haru? not because of your affinity with the pc being more than half so you wanna be up earlier to spend more time with them? sure.

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Oof, nearly missed the noon raid...  Not like I'll have any time to myself once I get back to the dorm, so I guess I should do it now..."

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"No, I'm not going to sleep yet. I'm gonna watch a horror B-movie. You don't have to think, so they're the perfect thing to watch before bed."

i used to watch/listen to mts3k to go to sleep so. i feel this.

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Well done me for surviving another day... Oh, same to you too, {PC}. I don't how you can do this stuff voluntarily."

SOME PEOPLE JUST LIKE ANIMALS DAWG.

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Huh? I'm going to the campus store to buy some stuff, where are you going? Well, I'm going that way, so...bye."

not sure if shy or asocial lmao. could be both!

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"You're being forced to help out again? Wow, a doormat out in the wild. So? Where do you want me to carry all this food?"

he's helping you even though he doesn't wanna work. HE'S GOT IT BAD.

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"This? It's a video I uploaded. People seem really into it. It's of that clown getting chased by a dog and flailing around like one of those inflatable air dancers."

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"What am I doing today? Working at the diner. Oh, if you want to keep me company, feel free to come by. As long as you serve yourself."

it's not a date or anything since he's at work but like. . .he is inviting you to hang out. . . .

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Huh? You were waiting for me to get off work? Oh... Thanks. Wait, that clown put you up to this?! I'm gonna kill him..."

NO NO WE CAME HERE WILLINGLY probably. although it does seem like Haru to be like "oh hey Ren really really likes you, you should go pick him up from work! he'd love that!!" like a real nosy mom who's trying to get his son together with his crush.

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"When did it get this late? That was horrifyingly fast... I'll walk part of the way back with you. I was gonna go buy something to drink anyway..."

excuses, excuses. . . .

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"Every day here is a fresh hell, sure, but... You're suffering through it with me, so I guess I'll stick it out a little longer..."

'this sucks but you make it suck a little(a lot) less so i can keep going'. yep, that's our tsundere alright!

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"That clown's even more slap-happy than usual lately—it's horrible. Has he got spring fever or something?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Otonashi keeps trying to make me drink some kind of rice porridge with weird flowers in it... It's actual porridge harassment."

considering the flower Towa associates with Ren is poisonous, i think it's safe to assume he is literally trying to poison him to death lmao. also wtf is porridge harassment--i even tried looking it up in japanese and the first thing that came up was someone screenshotting it and saying "what is porridge harassment" lolol

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"All this farm labor's bad enough without all the caterpillars and weird plants that are out there now...This is harassment."

what's harassing you, nature? as someone who just had to kill a huge mosquito that came into my room, nature is harassing me too.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I hate cherry blossoms. They're like the flower version of being a legacy kid— all they have to do is bloom once a year and everyone claps."

in japanese what he says is something like 'i hate them just like people born with silver spoons in their mouths'. basically he hates people born into privilege lol i bet he'd have the potential to get along well with haku until he learns he'll be inheriting a shrine. . .then again he's getting along with Ritsu in their own little way

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"This is the worst... It's not even noon yet, how is it so hot? Summer is for extroverts and party animals, I wish it could just be over already..."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"A group trip to the beach? I'd rather die. No decent person would ever go there of their own free will."

butbutbut. think of the summer skins!!!

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Summer was our busy period back home, so I always had to kill myself helping out. Now I'm here though... nothing's changed."

. . .did Ren's family run some sort of seaside shop??? And he happened to end up afraid of the ocean and hating aquatic creatures and such?

(between 8pm and 5am)

"How can the A/C be banned in the dorm...? Who gives a shit what temperature some anomalous animal that sneaks in prefers, humans should come first..."

okay i agree with him here though what the fuck kind of rule is that. can we talk to hyde about that, that's insane haru.

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"Now it's getting colder, I nearly found myself feeling grateful for this tragic jumpsuit... Am I being brainwashed...?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Fall, the season of the harvest—I'll stick with cup noodles, thanks. "Fall, the season to enjoy the outdoors"—screw that. I'm gonna make it the season of naps."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Look—I got bitten by some weird bug anomaly. To hell with the stupid bug spray ban, I'm buying some."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I feel like the mountains are rowdier when there's a full moon. Pretty sure my enemy encounter rate goes up when I'm on patrol too... Maybe I'm just imagining it."

is 'enemy encounter rate' here referring to people or anomalies. . .because if it's people then that's just because of tsukimi. . .although I wouldn't be surprised if there were a lot of anomalies or anomalies were more active on full moons.

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"There's less patrols in winter but anything involving water like washing up gets even worse... Ugh, I wish I could hibernate too..."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Since the climate in Jabberwock's so messed up, sometimes it's actually warm in winter. The blizzards are way stronger though..."

have you tried pissing towa off less?

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Oh god, I just saw what's in the diner's new Mystery Hot Pot... It's gotta be a matter of time before this place goes bust..."

i mean if they had ordinary health inspectors maybe lolol

(between 8pm and 5am)

"That clown broke my window so my room's like a freezer... Oh, don't worry. I just took his room instead."

lmao imagine Ren invites you to hang out and takes you to Haru's room instead of his like nah he broke my window so i'm using his room and he can freeze.

His birthday: (July 25th)

"You got this for me? That clown's been spreading my personal info around... No, it's fine, I'll still take it. Thanks."

i guess he doesn't really tell people his birthday, huh.

Your birthday:

"Happy birthday, {PC}. ...Isn't it kind of rude to look so surprised I'd celebrate your birthday? That came from the heart, you know."

I MEAN YOU NORMALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING. . .it's happy surprise!!!

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year. My resolution? Escaping the hell hole that is Jabberwock, for starters."

well you got here in like September or something so. you've got a while befor eyou can switch houses lmao but you can do it this year!

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"You got me chocolates? You're the type who does all this kind of stuff, huh? No, it's fine, you went to the trouble and everything so I'll take them."

i love when characters kinda mock you for doing getting them something but then they're like "nonono i want it gimme--" lolol from Ren especially it's very tsundere. poor guy wouldn't be straightforward about his feelings unless a damn life was on the line.

White Day: (March 14th)

"{PC}... Here, if you want them. I just bought the first thing I saw, so don't read into it..."

i bet it's actually really nice lolol

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"Guess what? I got special permission to switch houses. That nightmare is now behind me! I wish..."

Halloween: (October 31st)

"I hope everyone who gets excited about Halloween lives in misery for the rest of their lives. Why the hell do I have to help out with this stupid themed tour?"

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Can I ask you a question, {PC}? You don't still believe in Santa Claus, do you? Never mind, it doesn't matter. Have a good Christmas."

i mean. . .after coming here santa is a plausible entity to believe in. . .if there's gonna be a santa i don't wanna be caught not believing and missing out on gifts. . . .

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Where'd she go...? Whatever. Guess I'll catch up on some of my games."

(13 affinity and above)

"Pfft... This edit's awesome. I'm a genius. I'll show {PC} when she gets back."

true bonding is sharing the funny memes you worked hard on. . . .

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"It's not like I was waiting for you or anything. It's just this hell hole is even more unbearable when you're not around..."

YEP THAT'S OUR UNFORTUNATE CUSTOMER SERVICE EMPLOYEE TSUNDERE ALRIGHT. His lines don't really get super affectionate but. They still have a charm to them when you realize how much he hides his feelings in the usual tsundere way. He likes you a lot but like. . .it's a bother and it's embarrassing. . .and what're the chances you're into him? He'll just invite you over to watch movies and play games with him and stuff. . .and tell himself it's fine to just be friends until it eats away at him. . .or until Haru spills the beans for him--

this took way too long because i got distracted like three times in the middle and my laptop started freaking out and i had to figure out why and close and reopen everything about 8 times hahaha. . . . OKAY TIME FOR ME TO GO TO BED! I hope this satisfies you a little bit!!

[shuckiestshuckfaceever]

One of the most unrealistic part of supernatural, to me, was the fact that the fans of the supernatural books never realised or even considered the possibility of it being true.

Now I may be wrong, but weren't the books just the written form of the episodes. That means every time the Winchesters showed up on news as FBI's most wanted, the same thing happened in the books. So you're telling me these readers read these books, saw somewhat similar things happening, to people with the exact same name, in real life and just decided that it was all just a big coincidence?

None of them, not even for a second thought that these were just too many coincidences. They just went about their normal day, completely oblivious to the fact that the Winchester brothers were real. Like do you think they all thought that maybe the brothers were just very committed LARPers or something? Like how do you see all these similarities between the books you are reading and real life and just decided to ignore it?

[klabauters]

Our plans for Conquest include kidnapping at least one noblewoman. This stems from my discovery last year that noblewomen are incredibly open to just following you if you show up in their camp, announce that someone requests their presence and introduce yourself as the person sent to escort them. I know this because that's how we accidentally kidnapped one of them once.

Now, here's the current plan. I'm so thrilled to see how far we'll get before this, too, inevitably goes off the rails:

waltz into some random knightly looking camp. Ideally use the two most trustworthy looking people we have for this part

ask the noblewoman in the most elaborate fancy dress for her name. Claim that "Ah, yes! You're who we're looking for". Explain that her presence is requested by.... idk, improv. The king of god knows what, or sth. Tell her that we're there to escort her

(Ideally find a reason to take at least one other noblewoman or companion of hers along. Larpers are antisocial herd animals ans prefer to be with friends)

walk them away from their camp

(ask, out of character, if they're up for a brief abduction plot. After all these are real players who might have actual plans for the day. Kidnapping people can be rather rude if you're not considerate of their schedule)

bring them back to our camp. send someone to their own camp to announce their abduction and ask for some sum of silver to bring them back

meanwhile: idk, make sure they're not bored. Maybe introduce them to gambling while they're there. We've never had an issue with players of upper class characters not wanting to hang out with peasants and street gangs when you give them a reason to do so

profit.

[olderthannetfic]

Interracial people are basically a "we don't know what to do with them" category for #those kinda leftists.

Righties? They'll just see a stain to the racial purity. Degenerating the white purity, and dirtying the genepool. You're not and never will be a true Korean, just a dirty halfbreed. You can't be a part of cultural festivities because you're a shame on our ancestry by looking too foreign. You hold no value because you can never be as beautiful as a 100% ethnically pure child. You've lived your entire life in Japan, have a Japanese parent, a Japanese name, and speak the language fluently? Eh, you're not a true Japanese, barely above foreigner status. You're more prone to loose morals because that's what mixed children are known for, so you will never find a good man. Basically, they'll not even try to hide it.

Leftists meanwhile don't know what to do with you. If you're half black and white, then it'll go by "do you look black enough?" and if you do, then they'll just ignore you being white. Better yet if you personally don't acknowledge being white either, because that makes you bad, so better just pretend to be a lightskin black person. Similar for Asian white, or whatever other combination with white. Do you look "enough" of your poc ancestry? Just don't acknowledge it if you can. If you look "too white" don't even bother, you have no right to your ancestry, and people will make you post a pic of your parents to prove you're actually... mixed? Are allowed to talk about your own culture? How about being indigenous, but mixed white? Maybe you look a bit too much white? Oh well, now people will mock you for following traditions because you're a white larper, and call you appropriator even after it's been proven you are indigenous. If you're mixed in such a way where you've experienced racism from "both" sides of your ethnic-ancestry? There's this strange push to either not acknowledge it if it's poc, or "choose" one if you have a mixed poc heritage. But don't be too vocal, we don't want to implicate people too much about being bigots and hateful towards mixed people. That'd fuck too hard with our narrow worldview on bigotry. If you're mixed race looking more white, or you're a "later" generation, you're iced out, not even "just" by the "pure" people of that culture, but also completely unrelated social justice jockeys with not a single critical thought in their head. It doesn't matter that your grandma who helped raise you was a poc, you look white now, so don't pretend to have any right to your grandmas culture anymore. Only people who "look right" get that claim. It gets more complicated when it's mixed poc, say you're two generations black, but your grandma was Asian. Should you be allowed to acknowledge it? But you're black, so maybe you should just ignore it, after all you don't want to take away from (purer) Asians. But you get a bit of Asian heritage as a treat, just make sure to always explain your entire genealogical ancestry when you step outside your perceived ethnoculture because someone might get a bit upset because you don't look the way you should.

People are wild and disgusting.

--

[noahthesatanist]

To All the Laveyan Larpers and Pseudo-Occult Gatekeepers:

I’m getting real tired of the self-proclaimed "supreme sources of occultic knowledge" swooping into my essays and rants with their smug condescension. Every time I write something heartfelt or challenging, here you come, like vultures circling, to say, “Oh, this is interesting, Noah, but…” But what? But you're naive? But you’re a reverse Christian? But Yahweh isn’t real? Newsflash: no one asked for your approval or sanctimonious footnotes.

If you don’t believe in Yahweh, fine. If you think Lucifer is just a metaphor, fine. But don’t waltz in here acting like your “evolved” atheistic LARP makes you superior to those of us who view Lucifer and Yahweh as real forces in the cosmos. Do you not see the irony? You scoff at Abrahamic thought, but you mimic its worst traits: self-righteousness, judgment, and the desperate need to tear down others to validate your own hollow beliefs.

This is the truth: we are all carving meaning out of this chaotic world, and we’re not so different in the end. Whether you worship Satan, Lucifer, or only your own ego, we’re all working against the same oppressive systems. So why waste your energy on trying to discredit or belittle me? Is your life really so dull that you need to play the “actually, I’m smarter than you” game on a blog?

The sheer arrogance of assuming your worldview is the pinnacle of human understanding is laughable. “Oh, Noah, aren’t we all just better off leaving behind these ‘nonsensical Abrahamic frameworks?’” you ask with a smug smirk. And yet, here you are, spending your precious time trying to tear down beliefs you claim to have outgrown. If you’ve truly moved past all this, why are you here? Why do you feel the need to comment on my posts, to belittle my beliefs, to prove your supposed superiority? Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

If you think I’m naïve for believing Yahweh exists, cool. If you think I’m a reverse Christian for embracing Lucifer as a real being, I honestly don’t care. Unlike you, I’m not here to “win” debates or stroke my own ego. I’m here because I revere Lucifer, the ultimate rebel, the one who stood against tyranny to build something better. My beliefs are rooted in that reverence and in the sacred, ancient truths the world tried to bury under propaganda and lies.

So here’s the deal: either engage with my posts respectfully or don’t engage at all. If you’re just here to spew your superiority complex, save us both the time and fuck off. This is a space for those who honor Lucifer’s rebellion, who embrace the Goetic demons as sacred beings, and who dream of building a kingdom that stands in defiance of all tyranny. If that’s not you, then move along.

And if you still feel the need to sneer at me, maybe take a good, hard look in the mirror. For someone who claims to be “above” Abrahamic thought, you’re sounding a lot like a Pharisee.

Hail Lucifer. Hail rebellion. Hail truth.

— From Hell, with love, Noah

[catherine-clover]

Allow us to introduce ourselves

Half a year active, over a hundred followers, the majority of which are veteran tumblers from that one 60k note explosion, and we still haven't properly introduced ourselves. Time to fix that.

We are Clover, an endogenic plural system. That means we are multiple people sharing one brain and body, and we aren't plural because of trauma. We do not have DID. (nor do the vast majority of endos)

I am Quincy Eliza Bethany Madeline, the headmate who fronts the most. Rose may also post on here sometimes.

There are a lot of people on here who say that it's impossible for a plural system to form without trauma, but as you may have seen from our syscourse reblogs, they rarely cite any credible sources, and that's because they're wrong. I am not a LARPer and I do not claim to have DID. This really is every hour of my life, online and offline. If you have any more questions about plurality, feel free to send me an ask.

Though if we're talking about origins, "not from trauma" is overly vague for my taste. If we're really talking about how the system formed, I prefer "dreamgenic", because everyone originated from some combination of nightdreams and immersive daydreams which I had varying levels of control over.

The second most active headmate, Victoria Penelope, has her own blog @victoria-penelope-clover. She posts more infrequently, when she's able to front/cofront/proxy, and is currently mostly focused on syscourse, with occasional slices of life. She's my older syster.

Headcount is currently in the upper teens. Some more may be mentioned occasionally but I'd rather not have a list of private details about everyone easily accessible here for anyone to see. For the most part, all you'll see every once in a while is some colored text indicating a distinct voice.

Anyway, enough plural stuff! Now for typical bio stuff!

Fleed Reddit to come here and wow Tumblr is way better. Always happy to commune with fellow Rexxitors!

For obsession I circle between Chess, Minecraft, Geometry Dash, Warrior Cats, and Undertale. Fandoms I am on the edge of getting sucked into include The Amazing Digital Circus and Death Note. I also plan to watch Avatar: The Last Airbender at some point. Ever since our syscovery, I've consumed next to no fiction for fear of more headmates.

I have a few projects in the works but I've promised myself that I won't post them publicly until I've actually made substantial progress!

No DNI! Maybe it's just because I'm not jaded by years of wasted time with unproductive trolls, but I think assuming someone is in bad faith just because they disagree with you about something heated is bad actually, partly because I've seen what happens and how long progress takes when left-of-center people generally refuse to interact with, for example, transphobes. Relatedly, I will only block you if I think you're a bot or if you really, really fuck up.

Do not be surprised if I casually shit on something you believe in without warning.

I have an ever-growing queue set to post five times per day, and I try not to post too much more than that. I also try to keep my dash at less than 100 posts per day, which is apparently uncommon here.

Reblog reblog reblog! Not just my posts, but everyone (unless you have a good reason not to, like with this intro post). Reblogs are what keep Tumblr alive! Likes do next to nothing.

That's all for now! If you have any more questions, send me an ask and I might add it to this post!

[avelera]

Random thoughts on the D&D movie in no particular order:

I loved the jokes. All of them. All the stupid jokes. I was their target audience and they succeeded at making me cackle at dumb shit while my partner's soul left his body

The landscape shots were breathtaking and honestly made me tear up at the beauty in places. In the theater, I remember thinking, "Yeah, FUCK yeah, these guys understood the assignment!" Nine out of ten times, I think fantasy should be animated, because if you don't pour millions into the budget, the action looks like crummy LARPers wearing silly costumes in the woods. This movie understood that if you're doing live action fantasy, you owe your audience some damn beautiful landscape shots and damn did they deliver on some beautiful landscape shots.

(cut for spoilers)

I sincerely appreciated Holga and her husband being divorced but still amicable. I'm so tired of the trope of exes being evil or awful. They just seemed like two adults who wanted to love each other but the circumstances of being together doomed them from the start. It was played for laughs but it was just a moment I genuinely enjoyed as divorcee. I also loved her ex's new wife looking exactly like her, both for the gag, and for what it said about both of them being each other's type even if it didn't work out.

I also cackled like a hyena at Holga's halfling fetish while also finding it rather sweet and enjoyed imagining all the reasons why she might have that preference lol

As a basic Drizzt Do'Urden loving bitch, I squeed when I saw Icewind Dale on the map. Then I had a moment between that and the Underdark of wondering, "Am I gonna see him? Even in the distance? Am I going to see my first love, Drizzt Do'Urden??"

And then I realized: the Paladin. The Paladin is Drizzt. Only good person who came out of a nation destroyed by evil. Too good for this world, too pure, to the point of being sanctimonious but is also a hottie. Xenk is Drizzt.

Oh, I also squeed when I saw the Underdark.

I appreciated how knowledge of D&D improved certain story beats (like the gelatinous cube or the displacer beast) but wasn't required to enjoy the plot. That's how references should be done.

The most agonizingly cringe moment for me was when Holga was dying. Just. I appreciated the beat. It couldn't go any other way. They delivered on their set up with the tablet, the only question was ever, "Who besides his wife is going to get saved with it?" And it made perfect sense who it was. I'm glad they didn't try to pull a fast one. But the scene was like... 10 seconds too long of her dying for me to not roll my eyes. We know you're going to use the tablet on her, dipshit, please keep this moving.

BUT I think the reason they did it was to land a sincere moment with the daughter, and I appreciated that. I think the scene could have been improved by Holga being like, "Don't you fucking dare use that tablet on me!" and then smacking him when he did it anyway and then he'd have to explain that he set out to save his daughter's mother, not his wife, who has passed on, etc etc. but I'm not sure that would have been much better so maybe the drawn-out opera death scene and the sincerity was better in the end idk.

I KINDA wanted to see the actors as the players playing D&D BUT I know why they didn't and it was a wise choice, it undermines the drama too much to say it doesn't matter because it's a game. Maybe if instead they'd should the characters playing D&D in universe as normal humans? Idk

I thought there'd be more Xenk? I thought he'd be in the arena with them? A little bummed but I also loved his GM NPC energy.

The combat and camera work was great! Genuinely enjoyable and well made, I appreciated the artistry that went into it.

Loved the bardic distraction scene for truly capturing the chaos of a D&D party's attempt at breaking and entering

Loved the portals bit for truly capturing the strategy and planning that can go into a functioning D&D campaign's clever heist, even if I'm sure it would have taken 5 sessions to plot out IRL

Honestly, it was just a fun, solid film! It's been a while since I've seen such a fun, solid film! I would buy it and put it on in the background to just enjoy and not angst over it! It was worth the price of admission, it was faithful to the spirit of D&D instead of sneering at it the way the early 2000s one did, and I had a good time! It wasn't the highest of art but it would have been weird if it had been! I liked it a lot!

[tinyravenfeathers]

"And some dude named Jeff" Season 4 episode 10

The Jenkins Episode. LOVE IT.

Full disclosure: I am a lifelong DnD nerd. I started with 3.5 back in the 90s. I am this label, this label is me.

It's kind of sad that Dolores gives the cats a sunny upstairs room and Jeff lives in the basement.

...now that I think about it, why does the woman have like 12 cats in one room, that's gotta suck for the cats and everyone involved.

Especially if Desi has pink-eye and Otto needs suppositories. Ew!

I love how the only inaccurate thing about the DnD nerds first scene is that they're rolling the dice rather haphazardly. Jenkins throws a d20 and a d12 (I think) at the same time...different sided dice throws are not a thing. Multiples of the same kind of dice, yes, especially to calculate the damage of a hit.

And Jenkins tosses the dice AT the figures on the map/table. Yeah, no. A dice tower would probably be employed with that small a table, but I get how that would be less visually exciting/take up too much screen time.

The DnD nerds were DEFINITELY in on Jeff's switcheroo plan. We hear them talking about it when Jenkins comes down the stairs. They were totally expecting a different person inside Jeff. The way they set Jenkins up to reveal himself shows some LARPing skill in my opinion. I've LARPed, it's just costumed improve with stricter rules lol.

I'm less sure Dolores/Jeff's mother knew about the switcheroo. (I called her Gloria in one of my stories, I need to fix that.)

The Jeff buttslapping Jacob scene. And the awkward aftermath. *Chef Kiss*

Oh look, they've all got costumes. Shocked, I'm shocked. Definitely LARPers. But...why would they wear that stuff to break into the Library? How did Jenkins present this to them? "Think of it as a live dungeon crawl"? Okay, then I'mma gonna concentrate on supplies and some kind of knife, a first aid kit, a shield, maybe some rope...not a cape, a head dress, and fishnet stockings.

I would have loved to see a version of this with the actors switched--John Larroquette acting like Jeff-inside-Jenkins ("how about we...make some magic..."), Andrew Caldwell playing Jenkins-inside-Jeff ("would you please stop setting off booby traps!")

It's really sad how few lines Ezekiel has.

Personal head canon: Ezekiel did some of the stuff Jeff is doing. Only, you know, he hid it better and was a bit cooler about it. We've seen Ezekiel use Munchausen's Top, the Spinning Wheel of Clothos, and have the attitude that 'rubbing up against anything magicky' can be a solution to rescuing Eve and Flynn in that one movie episode so yes. This carefree attitude towards power is why Jenkins worries about him.

The "gimme that boom" scene. C'mon Jenkins get more into it lol.

The Library teaching Jenkins about the best aspects of himself through the analogs of the new librarians. Cleverness from Schmidt/Ezekiel, Joy from Aurora/Cassandra, Persistence from Dennis/Jacob.

The knighting. Beautiful. Also getting the innocents out of the way before something truly dangerous?

"You think that was bad?! Wait 'til I get hold of you!!"

The little speech Jenkins gives to Jeff "what's the point of having a life if one does not live it fully," was so incredibly pertinent and needed when I was in a low place that I named my long-form fic after it. I should get back to writing that.

Jenkins' potion needs a jolt of magic to make it work. Noted!

"Bye Mom!"

What the heck were Dolores and Asmodeus doing while Jenkins and Jeff were scuttling down the stairs and making their way to the basement? Damn, I hope she locked herself in a bathroom or something.

The lightsaber in Jenkins' hands wasn't cut to shreds right away. More Galahad magic?

Ringpop FTW

How did they not see each other had changed? so weird.

Back at the Library--the carnage of Jeff is hilarious.

Eve's kiss (instead of Cassie) on Jenkins came out of left field but okay.

Awesome ending. If Jenkins cares for you, he spends time with you.

Beauty.

So many ideas for my fic came out of this episode.

[zaptrap]

(part 2)

redesigns of some old ocs! still kinda WIP but i like the direction they're heading. i don't really have in-depth lore/backstories yet but here's what ive got so far:

The Group:

A bunch of Serpentine who -through means unknown at this time- can shapeshift into humans... mostly. There's still some snake features but they can blend in well enough.

Each left or were banished from their respective tribes for one reason or another. Depending on timelines, the Merge may have further disconnected them from their tribes.

"Found family" but the family they found is a bunch of lunatics.

They all fall under that category of "is hundreds of years old, but look in their 20s" lmfao.

Dunno what they're up to in their day to day life besides eating and sleeping and avoiding arrest.

Xyla:

Anacondrai

Likes to toy with people, and LOVES messing with her friends but they're used to it for the most part.

Conveniently, uh, wasn't eaten by Pythor lmao. Maybe she was banished from the tribe before they were entombed.

Likes to hunt and eat people, but hates when it's called cannibalism cuz she's "technically a snake, sooo 😒"

Can turn invisible, which is very useful for the aforementioned hunting.

Not really into "normal" food can still consume it if necessary.

Most likely to get arrested, or would be if she couldn't turn invisible.

Bek (Honorable Mention):

Whatever species the Great Devourer was lmfao.

Peak emo boy vibes except he's legit insane. Was never part of a tribe.

Besties with Xyla. Might be besties with benefits, either way they're really close.

They're both wanted in at least 4 realms for an assortment of crimes (kidnapping people and eating them).

More of strict carnivore, gets sick if he has to eat non-meat too often.

2nd Most likely to get arrested.

Arabella:

Fangpyre

Not as openly antagonistic as Xyla, but can be a bitch when she wants to be.

Basically a vampire-idol LARPer, has an umbrella whenever the sun is out and can sing fairly well.

Is kinda frail/sickly. Not in the best physical condition. Likely abandoned by the other Fangpyre due to this.

Can turn people/objects into snakes via bite. Likes to threaten people with this to scare 'em off.

Likes ordering Goro around lmao, though it's usually simple stuff like errands or chores. They're best friends but...... complicated.

Picky eater, but likes candy and finger foods.

Least likely to get arrested 'cause she can just turn the cops into snakes lmfao.

Goro:

Constrictai

Left the tribe to be with Arabella. She helped him when they were kids and he latched onto her.

He's a little bit... extremely obsessed with everything about her in every way. They're inseparable (they should be separated).

Big puppy vibes but also rabid dog in certain scenarios (if something bad happened to Arabella). Clingly/Simpy/Spineless/you get the idea.

Would be shy/introverted otherwise.

Can burrow or constrict people.

Can and will eat trash, he doesn't give a shit.

Hasn't been arrested..... yet.

But yeah that's what I've got so far, lemme know what u think or if u have any questions !! There's a couple others a haven't really designed yet, but I'm still trying to figure out what I wanna do with 'em lmao.

[captain-mj]

I’m asking. Here it is. Ghoap outlander au. I have nothing to offer but my left kidney

Keep your kidney. Ive been shaking and waiting for someone to send me this ask. Real quick though, besides the basics of “modern person gets sent into 1700s Scotland” This won’t follow the show that much. Also, we are IGNORING homophobia. Realistically they were Catholic at the time but i do not care. Chances are there's going to be quite a few historical accuracies (plus I'm planning on making multiple parts because I fucking adore this idea) so just like... little heads up about that

Also, I'm doing this based off og SoapGhost, obviously it doesn't matter much, but I wanted you guys to know :)

Ghost had never believed in... well anything mystical really. He thought it was nonsense. For some people, it was helpful, but it meant nothing to him. Gunpowder held more meaning than a cross. He was a medic in the army for fuck’s sake.

So when he walked into an area he was told was sacred and asked to be careful, he treated it the same way he treated everything else of this nature. That was not to say he was in any way disrespectful, but he didn't treasure it the way his colleagues did. He was a soldier first, person second. The dark stones reached up to the sky, unnerving in their monolith, but they didn’t strike the fear of God into him.

And then, he felt a knife go through him. It aimed for one of his organs. He didn't remember hitting the ground, just knew that he was on it suddenly. Blood filled his mouth and he couldn't breath. Silently, he prepared himself for the next blow. Accepting death was maybe a bit too easy for him.

But he didn't die. He just laid there in a puddle of his own blood. Weird. It hurt a lot more than a regular stab wound but he was alive.

Ghost tried to get up to call for the others but someone's boot landed on his back, pushing him into the ground. The person started to speak, though he didn't understand the language.

"Get off of me." He tried to stand up and then a blade was against his neck. A sword. The person had a fucking sword. Ghost managed to glance up.

The person must be some kind of weirdo fucking larper. They had a mohawk with braids in it and blue swirling tattoos all over their shoulders and chest. As for their clothing... it was traditional. Kilt, furs over their upper half. He was hot but that was besides the point.

The person looked irritated, barking at him in his language again.

Ghost thought it through. "I can't understand you. I'm English?" He hoped the word “English” would mean something to him.

The man made a very upset face when he said English and that wasn’t what Ghost had in mind when he said something. He hissed at him and dug his heel in. Ghost groaned and gritted his teeth, glaring.

Someone spoke from elsewhere and he paused.

The man stepped off of Ghost and made a motion to get up, sword still pointed at him. Ghost got up and went for his gun, only to find the holsters empty. All of them. Even his assault rifle, which he was pretty sure only landed a few inches from his hand, was gone.

What the hell.

He looked up at him cautiously.

The man looked down at him and slowly used the blade to force him to tilt his head back.

His mask. Ghost's eyes widened as he thought about it. The stranger knelt down and went to remove it and Ghost tried to shove him off. Quickly they were surrounded by more men and something blunt hit the back of Ghost's head.

It was hours later when he woke up. He groaned softly and sat up, feeling thin restraints tug at his wrists. They were just thin leather straps, clearly more of a message than to keep him down.

Ghost looked around the room. It wasn't that well furnished, but it was rather cozy. The few pieces of furnishings he could see had clearly been hand carved. That did not mean they weren't well made, just it was clear they weren't machine manufactured.

He slipped from the binds anyway, touching himself to check for injuries. The knife wound had been well stitched and bandaged perfectly. Funnily enough, it looked like the supplies came from his own bag which was next to him on the floor. His shirt had been taken but the blanket had been pulled to his collar, so he had some privacy.

His mask. Fuck. He quickly touched his face, but luckily, his fingers met the soft fabric. They hadn't taken his mask.

Ghost started to get up but someone came in. The same mohawked person from before. They stared at each other before the man set the plate on the dresser.

They were roughly the same height, but Ghost was sure he could fight him off if needed. However, he was injured and the man brought food.

"English?" He said slowly, like he was feeling out the word. Ghost had a feeling it wasn't his native language. His thick scottish accent grated on the words.

"Yes... Speak it?" Ghost held his wound.

"Vaguely. Soap."

Ghost blinked, a little taken back. "Soap?"

Soap pointed at himself and nodded before pointing at Ghost.

"Ghost." He didn't want to tell him his real name. "What do you speak?"

"Gaelic."

"Don't speak that..." Ghost backed up and tried to joke.

Soap smiled and held out the food. It looked simple. Meat, potatoes, almost laughably what you'd expect from a Scottish person. "Eat."

Ghost reached out slowly and took it from him. The plate felt funny under his hands. He held it to himself, but Soap wasn't leaving.

Ghost decided to try to get some information. "Where am I?"

"Highlands."

"Here with a lot of people?" Maybe if there weren't too many, he could fight his way out. Or maybe just escape silently.

"Dozens. Better you stay here." Soap reached out and Ghost backed up, pressing against the wall. He pulled his hand back though it still lingered in the air.

Ghost slowly pulled his mask up and started to eat. He was starving. It tasted pretty good. His sunglasses were gone and the candle lighting of the room made Soap look otherworldly. A angel. He quickly glanced away again.

“You’re injured. Shouldn’t be out of bed.” Soap chided him, his head tilting slightly. He waited though until Ghost was done eating, hand reaching out for the plate. Once it was set to the side, Soap grabbed him, wrestling him back down.

Ghost fought back, trying to get away from him, but Soap had the advantage of not being fucking stabbed. He ended up straddling him to the bed as he retied him, this time much more securely.

Ghost tensed, feeling Soap’s weight on him. Panic filled his mind until it overflowed and he was kicking and thrashing. He didn’t make a sound, but he didn’t really need to.

Soap grabbed his face. “Breath.” It was a command and Ghost found himself following it. “Good.” He took a deep breath for Ghost to mirror and soon, his head was slightly clearer.

“Don’t touch me.” Ghost managed to spit out.

Soap nodded and got off of him. “Stay down, yes?”

Ghost glared and Soap put his hand firmly in his chest. “Won’t have to touch you if you stay down. Now. Stay. Down.”

Slowly, Ghost nodded.

“Good boy.” Soap grinned and Ghost felt heat rush to his face. He patted him gently and left Ghost alone again.

Ghost started to plan how he would escape.

[rei-comfort-zone]

What could go wrong when you are taking care of a kiddo that is deep on the irl roleplay? Kyle would maybe think twice before even taking care of the larper kid of the town of Eltingville once again

Huey belongs to @thefroggymagician, is too much d&d and fantasy games for Huey [and he is so silly for that!- for having an hyperfixation ofc, not from almost killing Kyle in the process obviously/hj]

[eldritch-spouse]

Shapeshifter Anon here

Lemme guess, your full name is: Pin-Pineapple-Apple-Pin 😏 (you know from... from the song ...... I cringed so hard writing that, if I looked at Patches or Morell they would’ve gone moldy) 

Because I believe the disaster brothers deserve some love I’m going to test out my flirting skills. (My first attempt at flirting and it’s at 3 2d-demons... wha- what does that say about me Pinnie...) I’m looking forward to seeing them combust ❤️

Ludwig: (ngl being mean was easier than I thought, should I be worried?) “Sometimes I imagine skinning you and making a doormat, that way I could use your flesh to wipe off the blood and gore from my shoes. You wouldn’t mind if I took your horns too? I’ve been needing a tooth pick and yours look decent enough. But I love your hands the most... they’re only useful at holding my belongings, maybe you should’ve been a kitchen soap dish... I’d get more use out of you then ... interested in being my daily helper?”. 

Obie: (bro I don’t know food, I have to remind myself to eat and not get distracted and leave... while eating!) “It’s my birthday, so I think I deserve a mouth-watering meal.... They say you are what you eat, I wonder if you’ll taste like a combination of everything? Don’t worry, you’ll get the five-star-Michelin treatment when I carve you for all your worth. Maybe you’ll melt in my mouth or burst with flavor from the first bite... think you can bring me to tears after a minute?”.

Mervin: (perish from praise you egotistical eggplant) “I know you hear this from everyone, but I think I’d be lost without you. You’ve helped me become someone I’m honored to be! I wish I could return the favor, even by a margin, but I fear I’ll never meet the standard worthy for someone as proper and poised as you. I humbly beg for some clue as to how I can be of service... if you’ll guide me”

(Flirt skills 100000000% *dabs and dies*) that or I’m getting decked in the face x3 🥲

Free healthcare hasn’t stopped me before, nor with the added bonuses of dental-care and paid vacations ... *creeps back into the bagel shaped shadows of the basement*

I don't think you understood what I meant by Healthcare. And now I know you haven't been here for very long. Also, not a bad guess, but also not my name, try once more.

Putting that aside, I assume you're going for a threeway wedding, which means someone's going to have to help these losers pick their suits. Mama Katia gets no rest, that poor woman. Patches was dragged by Ludwig into helping, but the guy dresses like a larper, so that's clearly not going to work out very well... You'd think Santi could be good help, but if you asked him, the concubus would probably want to walk into the wedding isle in a laced g-string.

They're kinda fucked.